Deaths in the family

How it happens that one followed the other within two weeks is beyond me. All i know is by the end of march i was wiped emotionally. Losing my grandmother though it was a long time coming was rough. I knew she was in a better place, i knew her kids were now better off but seeing my mother break like that was hard. I cannot imagine the pain. She died from old age and all the crap that comes with that but she hadnt been well mentally for almost seven years. the last two she no longer knew any one and did not function. it was tough.

Nikki was harder because though she had been diagonosed with cancer  a year ago, she had hit her 100 day mark and was cancer free at the time of her death. it was sudden she went in to the hospital after a week of doing better, and never came out. it took only 5 hours. the toughest part for me, was Ryker. being a mother is hard and adding in the fact that death touches anyone at any time regardless of how old your "baby" is, was a hard pill to swallow. My heart broke for her husband Terry, and her family but it absolutely shattered for Ryker. He was 15 months at the time of her death. She was only 33. It just brings it all home.

It has made me more grateful. Has me counting my blessings even more fiercely than before because i want to have used all the moments i had. with my children and my husband. Work(money) is a necessary evil but all the other stuff we do, that we put off till tomorrow, well now we have to prioritze it because that tomorrow may not come. and then what???

what will my kids and friends remember? what will my spouse miss most? even if i didnt fulfill my dreams would i be proud with the product i left? i cant whine that i didnt have enough time, i only have myself to blame.